Pre-Tribulation Rapture of the Church Saints and Bride of Christ (June 9 or 10, 2000): Expect a mini-recession resulting from confusion and departure of saints leaving fewer consumers chasing the same amount of goods. Christian nations like the United States will be hardest hit, so consider distributing your portfolio among nations with low percentages of godly people, like China, Iran, and Saudi Arabia.

Satan's two men, the Beast (Tribulation Pope) and False Prophet (The final Antichrist), come to power and confirm a 7-year peace treaty (May 28, 2001): We know that these entities will briefly thrive in the world of mammon, so the wise investor will ride their iniquitous coattails. Keep an eye out for the first signs of these agents of Satan by following the activities of likely suspects (Sadaam Hussein, Bill Clinton, Regis Philbin) and move your portfolio toward their favorite corporations. As always, increase your security by diversification, aiming for a 50/50 split of security holdings between those held by the Beast and those of the False Prophet. Also about this time, look for the Beast to be promoted to leader of the World Church and World Government, with corresponding rise in job opportunities for jack booted thugs and black helicopter pilots.

Pre-Wrath Rapture of Tribulation Saints, remainder of Body of Christ--saved out of a fiery furnace; Saints in Heaven given rewards for belief, unbelievers on Earth given their just rewards (Sept. 13, 2007): Of course for many investors, the latter does not bode well. Use early 2007 to transfer your holdings into CDs and bonds and out of flexibly priced securities to minimize the impact of this "just rewards" stuff on your portfolio. Bear in mind that everyone else on earth will be receiving their just rewards too. Have cash and gold on hand for buying opportunities and let your most sinful friends know you're willing to give cash value for their assets in a pinch. Don't focus on what the "just rewards" are doing to your net value, focus on that neighbor who's been kissing up to the anti-Christ. On September 14, you could be driving his mercedes.

Judgment of the Nations, dominion taken from Satan, beginning of Armageddon, Satan's last-ditch stand, his army against Christ's forces (Apr. 21, 2008): Q1 2008 is the time to make your play for international markets and corporations heavy on defense contracts and military supplies. Do not let April arrive with any remaining investments in heathen nations like China, Japan, or the middle east. Armageddon, of course, shapes up to be a boom year for defense contractors, but beware -- this is Satan and Jesus we're talking about and there's a good chance their arms and supplies may come from miracles and other non-standard sources.

On May 30, 2008, Satan will be chained, and the Beast and False Prophet will be cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone. Will your investments go with them? Not if you regularly check for news you can use at the Home Page for the Nonraptured!